Learning to detach myself from all the external forces in control of my life.
Just read a friend’s post on mindfulness, attachment and love. I can’t tell you how much that resonated with me. I’ve been so anxious, so worried, and so unhappy with much of my life this semester. I’ve been floating about, living life in a limbo, holding on to so much and ending up with so little.
Material goods, fame, fortune… I thought I had it all. But the thing is, I don’t. At the end of the day I’m so empty, so unfocused, and so mediocre. There’s nothing I’m unabashedly proud of when I look at myself in the mirror. It took me so long to come to terms with this. Even now, not fully, just partially. Removing that mask of “perfection” and getting myself out of that facade was so difficult, and excruciating at the very least. Especially since I’ve been putting it on everyday, quicker than when I got up to brush my teeth. I was bare, and naked, to the world who could see me.
Battles were fought in my mind, my soul, while I struggled to keep myself afloat and breathing throughout. I’ve been digging and digging and digging, just to find out who I really am and what I really want. I still haven’t got there… and I’m still pretty much lost in what was once my “perfect world” and now merely a vacuous space.
It’s about time I rethink the way I want to live my life, and it finally starts with change from within.
“I’m starting with the (wo)man in the mirror. I’m asking (her) to change (her) ways.”